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I simply nodded at Patty.Patty looked serious. "The only thing Kristen could have told you that would have upset you about me was what Kristen and I talked about before the two of you started dating."Again I nodded."You have to realize that Kristen was suicidal, Jim!" Not to mention homicidal," I added glumly."She wasn't seriously going to kill you, and I doubt that she would have killed herself. She was trying to scare me." Patty, you are easy to talk to, but you aren't a psychiatrist! You can't make that kind of decision! That sort of thing is a matter of life and death!" Jim, you never realized how much Kristen prefers to be in control. She saw no future with you because she'd never be able to control you while she had the addiction." Kristen told me that yesterday. She told me that you said that if she killed me, she'd be a junkie without a fix. Some friend you are!"I thought saying that would shock Patty, but I was mistaken."You think that I'm not your friend because I pointed. I was relieved that my statement hadn't, apparently, been taken in the wrong spirit, either.I said the words because they summed up how I felt, after those long, tedious years trying to climb to the top, finally to have reached it. I tried to make clear, to those pretty- knowledgeable baseball fans in the audience, that I was all-too-aware that I was just 25th man on a 25-man ball club. I wasn't one of those Godlike creatures whose exploits made the papers every day. If anything, I felt closer to these people in the audience, some of whom probably, when it came to The Game, were "never-weres," -- just like me. Guys who had loved the game but never made it to the big time. Never even came close.I hadn't yet made it far enough, I told them, to even hope someday to be a "has-been." It remained to be seen, I told them, whether I might end up being one of the "never-weres." It still wasn't clear whether I had really made it, or whether this year, once again, I was going to be just a.
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